I am in medical school now. I have been doing this for the past two months. I was actually in the middle of studying for an exam when I realized that I haven't shared any of what God has done in my life for awhile now. I have heard that these posts have been an encouragement to people, so I will continue to post when I have things to write.
Let's start with my transition to medical school.
I think that the largest difference for me between medical school and Hillsdale is the lack of friends. At medical school, I have a large number of acquaintances and funny people. I miss my friendships from Hillsdale though. Looking back, I can see how God worked to bring the right people into my life at the right time. I had many people who I could talk with about their relationship with God. I had opportunities participating and leading small groups where I could share what God had done in my life and encourage many people. I had a consistent group of friends who I could count on to be honest, open, available, and wise.
It would be nice if I could go to church with all of my friends. It would be nice if all of my friends came with me to medical school. It would be nice if I could work in a hospital with all of my friends, or live next to all of them, or hang out every weekend.
Suffice it to say, I have been lonely and nostalgic over the past two months. I have even thought of entering into the dating arena so that I could have someone to share life with.
I consulted God on this matter. I said, "Lord, I would really like to be in a relationship." He said, "Really? You really want to be in a relationship?" I said, "Yeah, I think it would be great to have someone to share my life with." God directed me to focus on the relationship that I already have with him, and pointed out that I had been neglecting it. I laughed out loud.
A lot of our interactions have been going like this recently. One time, when I was still working as a scribe, I asked God why I had been given that job. Work had not been going very well. I was frustrated with the healthcare system, the doctors I was working with and the attitudes of the patients. I said, "God, why do I need to be here to witness all this pain and sin? I don't need this job to become a doctor. With your recommendation, I can get into any medical school and do anything you want me to do. I don't even need to make money, because you own the cattle on a thousand hills. Why am I here?" God said, "What if I told you that the only reason you have this job is to preach the gospel? Would you be satisfied?" I thought about it for a bit. I was satisfied.
I think the major tension I have been facing is the great old question, "What is the meaning of life?" Is it friendship? Is it relationship? Is it a satisfying job? There are all sorts of answers that you can get with a liberal arts education. I'm going to avoid all of those and go straight for the truth.
In Philippians 1, Paul says that he is hard pressed between life and death. His desire is to die so that he can be with Christ, which is far better than living. Ultimately, he chooses to live because it means fruitful labor for the kingdom of God. I'm paraphrasing just a bit, but you really should read 1:19-26. For Paul, the meaning of life is fruitful labor for the kingdom of God. I believe that the meaning of my life is the same. I have the opportunity to be in a relationship with Jesus and bear fruit for the kingdom of God and then I get to die and be with Jesus even more. This is the purpose of life.
This also answers every worry that I have had about loneliness and purpose. I can understand that God brings me away from my friends and to places where nobody lives with Jesus so that I can preach the Word. I can understand that my loneliness draws me closer into a relationship with my creator. I know that frustrating jobs and coworkers are where Christ is needed the most. God leads me to places where I can bear fruit for the kingdom of God, even if it doesn't look pretty for feel good.
So I will not abandon my post. I will not shrink from the position Christ has led me to.
It is time for me to return to my studies.
John Mark
