Old and New

I am in medical school now. I have been doing this for the past two months. I was actually in the middle of studying for an exam when I realized that I haven't shared any of what God has done in my life for awhile now. I have heard that these posts have been an encouragement to people, so I will continue to post when I have things to write.

Let's start with my transition to medical school.

I think that the largest difference for me between medical school and Hillsdale is the lack of friends. At medical school, I have a large number of acquaintances and funny people. I miss my friendships from Hillsdale though. Looking back, I can see how God worked to bring the right people into my life at the right time. I had many people who I could talk with about their relationship with God. I had opportunities participating and leading small groups where I could share what God had done in my life and encourage many people. I had a consistent group of friends who I could count on to be honest, open, available, and wise.

It would be nice if I could go to church with all of my friends. It would be nice if all of my friends came with me to medical school. It would be nice if I could work in a hospital with all of my friends, or live next to all of them, or hang out every weekend.

Suffice it to say, I have been lonely and nostalgic over the past two months. I have even thought of entering into the dating arena so that I could have someone to share life with.

I consulted God on this matter. I said, "Lord, I would really like to be in a relationship." He said, "Really? You really want to be in a relationship?" I said, "Yeah, I think it would be great to have someone to share my life with." God directed me to focus on the relationship that I already have with him, and pointed out that I had been neglecting it. I laughed out loud.

A lot of our interactions have been going like this recently. One time, when I was still working as a scribe, I asked God why I had been given that job. Work had not been going very well. I was frustrated with the healthcare system, the doctors I was working with and the attitudes of the patients. I said, "God, why do I need to be here to witness all this pain and sin? I don't need this job to become a doctor. With your recommendation, I can get into any medical school and do anything you want me to do. I don't even need to make money, because you own the cattle on a thousand hills. Why am I here?" God said, "What if I told you that the only reason you have this job is to preach the gospel? Would you be satisfied?" I thought about it for a bit. I was satisfied.

I think the major tension I have been facing is the great old question, "What is the meaning of life?" Is it friendship? Is it relationship? Is it a satisfying job? There are all sorts of answers that you can get with a liberal arts education. I'm going to avoid all of those and go straight for the truth.

In Philippians 1, Paul says that he is hard pressed between life and death. His desire is to die so that he can be with Christ, which is far better than living. Ultimately, he chooses to live because it means fruitful labor for the kingdom of God. I'm paraphrasing just a bit, but you really should read 1:19-26. For Paul, the meaning of life is fruitful labor for the kingdom of God. I believe that the meaning of my life is the same. I have the opportunity to be in a relationship with Jesus and bear fruit for the kingdom of God and then I get to die and be with Jesus even more. This is the purpose of life.

This also answers every worry that I have had about loneliness and purpose. I can understand that God brings me away from my friends and to places where nobody lives with Jesus so that I can preach the Word. I can understand that my loneliness draws me closer into a relationship with my creator. I know that frustrating jobs and coworkers are where Christ is needed the most. God leads me to places where I can bear fruit for the kingdom of God, even if it doesn't look pretty for feel good.

So I will not abandon my post. I will not shrink from the position Christ has led me to.

It is time for me to return to my studies.

John Mark

Charisma

I haven't posted here in a long time, but I think that it is time to begin once again. Sometimes when I need a reason to praise God, I'll come to this blog and read about what God has done in my life and how I was impacted. At one point I thought I was writing this for other people but as it turns out, I was the main audience. I also have a convenient amount of time working at the hospital which allows me time to do many things. I can't relay most of my experiences in the hospital due to HIPAA, but I'll use this time to reflect and write about the rest of my life.

I am a charismatic communicator. I have been told this in many ways by many people and I find that this quality is very useful to bring joy to people through humor and also to diffuse the tension in otherwise awkward circumstances. It helps when I am leading my small group. It especially helps when talking with bosses or teachers. However, charisma can also be a dangerous tool.

For starters, charisma is useless when talking to God. God will not be convinced of something by how well I can say it. I was recently apologizing to God for something and he stopped me and said "Talk is cheap". Ouch. I think it's pretty easy to start to believe that I can convince God of my apologetic sincerity because I have been able to convince other people or even myself. Looking back, I can see that the real battles in my life have been over choices of actions, not choices of words. I don't want to say that words are unimportant, but I will say that in regard to faithfulness, they are less important.

Charisma has also negatively impacted my friendships in the past. I find it easy to isolate myself by being able to direct conversation toward impersonal topics. A large part of intimacy in friendship is the mutual exchange of unfiltered ideas and desires of the heart. Those topics are also rather uncomfortable for me to talk about. The truth is, my desire to be liked is greater than my desire to be known. Charisma makes this possible for me.

I have an issue with personality tests. I think that they can been good tools for understanding other people. However, if you wish to understand yourself, they can be the worst. Here is my experience with personality tests: a series of questions in which I make a whole bunch of value judgments in different circumstances to determine what I value. That sounds great. The problem is, I get to create my own image of values which sound good to me but may have no reflection of my reality. If I really want to get a good look at what I value, I should look at what my actions say about me. For example, if I choose to have 3 slices of pizza for breakfast instead of a bowl of cereal, I can definitively say that I value taste and convenience over my health. When I choose to browse the internet at work rather than writing my med school application essays, I value entertainment over my calling to medicine. These are rather brutally honest examples, but honest nonetheless. 

Thankfully, we have a God whose will is for us to be more like him and a Holy Spirit to aid us.

Grace – Unmerited Favor

7/8/2013

In the summer of 2008, immediately following my freshman year of high school, I went to Impact Summer Camp. I had not yet begun regularly attending Living Hope Community Church with my family, but my sister brought me along with their youth group into an encounter with God that left me changed forever. Five years ago, I was saved during a worship service at Impact 2008. God met me where I was at and redirected my life. It’s always hard to explain what happens during a salvation experience. It’s much easier for me to point to the effects of my salvation. Australia, Cancun, Nicaragua, Hillsdale, Worship Music, Piano, Medicine, etc. All of these experiences, passions, and dreams came from what Jesus accomplished on the cross and accomplished in my life.

I told you that story to tell you this one:

A couple weeks ago, I heard that the worship team for Impact Summer Camp 2013 was in need of a keyboard player. I thought that the opportunity sounded God-sent, so I sent in an application and a short video audition. I received a positive response almost immediately. A couple days before the camp started, I received a phone call informing me that the bass player had dropped out and that the band would love to have me on to play bass instead. I informed them that Noah was proficient at keys and waited for a response. Today, the Impact band + Noah and I played the opening service for Impact 2013.

It’s amazing how quickly God can change a person’s life. God has pulled me back to the place I was saved only five years later to show me the incredible work that he has done in my life. Furthermore, he is giving me the opportunity to share that same saving grace with the next generation. It just makes me laugh to think about it.

I told you that revelation to share this lesson:

As a minister of God’s grace in whatever capacity, you will never know the full extent of what God accomplishes through your sacrifice and willingness to serve. The sinners who meet Jesus today are the saints and martyrs of tomorrow.

Surgery

6/25/13

Today, I had the opportunity to assist in a surgery for the first time. Yesterday, Mike Riley brought me into the operating room to see five gall bladder removals. Today, I scrubbed in with the surgeons and was allowed to hold the scope for four gall bladder removals.

The surgical procedure was quite interesting. To reduce the size of scars and lower the chance of infection, the surgeons will create four small incisions into the stomach rather than one large one. Long instruments are then fed through the four incisions and all of the surgical cutting, cauterizing, and even sewing are done underneath the skin. To see what is happening, a surgeon inserts a long camera and light into one of the incisions. This camera is called the scope. My job was to be the eyes for the surgeon.

God has given me a lot of time to think about surgery and what lessons that can be learned from it. Here are my thoughts:

1. The first step in surgery is cleanliness. Everything instrument used for the surgery is sterile. Every surgeon operates within a sterile field. The patient must be cleaned to reduce all risk of infection. The same has been true for my walk with Jesus. Before ripping out any weeds in our bodies, Jesus cleans us. I know that when I’ve been battling something for a long time and fail, I’m prone to respond by being indignant and channeling my emotional response into a renewed conviction never to fail again. The renewed conviction has always ended in failure that goes beyond how far I’d ever failed before. There is no emotional conviction, mental determination or physical sacrifice that can ever match the sustained power of the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ. God wants to clean you before performing surgery on your heart, mind, and body.

2. Although surgery is very clean, it is certainly not beautiful. I guess I had thought at one point that a removal surgery would be rather graceful and intricate. Nope. The human body is a massively complex system of sustained consciousness. But for all their complexity, our internal organs are not anything close to being pretty. Especially not gall bladders. A gall bladder removal mainly involves blood, bile, and cauterized flesh. Spiritual surgery has never really looked pretty either. When God puts things into light that have been hidden for a very long time, the revelation is usually disgusting. More than likely, spiritual surgery is going to be very messy and rather painful.

3. Surgery is worth it.

“Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” – Hebrews 12:10-11

Walk With Me

6/21/13

After a half-day of working in a village, the team had the opportunity to travel to a Mayan ruin called Ek Balam. The ruin was actually quite large and had a Mayan observatory, temple, and other buildings. The stepped pyramid was quite intricately designed. The steps on the pyramid were created uneven to slow down enemies during warfare. The Mayans were also smart with their observatory. Reflecting pools were built into the top of the observatory pyramid so that stars could be seen and mapped in the reflection instead of simply looking at the sky.

Yet for all their ingenuity, the ruins at Ek Balam pale in comparison to the small cave pool in the forest nearby. The term for these cave pools is a “cenote” (sen-oh-tay). The pool was about a 20 minute walk away. Swimming in the cenote was a very welcome break from the tropical heat. During my swim, I couldn’t help but think of the greatness and beauty of God’s creation. I had expected to be fascinated by architecture, but ended up enjoying a hole in the ground with water in it even more. God is certainly a brilliant designer. It’s crazy to think of all my trips to different parts of the Americas and Australia and know that there is so much more of God’s design on this planet that remains to be seen. I’m always curious to know what beautiful things that God puts into stars and onto planets that humanity will never even see.

I was by myself on the walk back from the cenote, so I began to pray. As I prayed, thunderclouds gathered above and signaled that rain was near. I heard the thunder and prayed for rain. I wanted to be drenched, not only with water, but with God’s spirit. However, no rain came. Finally, I decided to just wait and listen. In that moment, God decided to speak to me. I believe God said the following: “Walk with me, and you will get drenched.” Immediately, raindrops fell. By the time I got to the bus, I was soaked to the bone and exceedingly happy about it.

In my life, I can hear the thunder. I can see the vision. God has unbelievable things in store. If I walk with him, I will be drenched.

“Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.” – Habakkuk 1:5.

No Hablo Espanol

6/18/13

I do not speak Spanish. This has become increasingly problematic, due to the fact that this missions trip is in Mexico. For the past couple days, I have been traveling with a team of about twenty people, including two doctors, some pastors, and many general helpers. We are the branch of IMA that ministers to impoverished Mayan villages outside the Mexican cities near Cancun. I have served in the past couple days by filling the prescriptions that the doctors issue to the villagers. Mostly I’ve just been filling orders for Tylenol, ibuprofen, and anti-parasite drugs. However, my position as a pharmacist also means that I have to inform the patients about dosages and other rather important details – in Spanish.

Out of every person who has come through the clinic, there hasn’t been a single person who has spoken English. It is an extremely humbling experience to be unable to describe what you’re trying to say or think. God has very much gifted me with the ability to encourage people. Without the ability to communicate, I’ve been unable to build relationships with any patients who come through the clinic. Even if I had the opportunity presented to me, I would not be able to share the news of the gospel.

As a person interested in future medical missions, this realization has greatly affected me. Missionary work is never a one-man show. The church has never been a one-man show either. I will always be at the mercy of God to provide the money, translators, workers, and organization to be able to carry his gospel into places outside of my sphere of influence. That being said, I’ve been working on my Spanish while I’m here and have been able to deal with most of the questions that are asked. I’m sure that God has slipped in the gift of interpretation here or there to help expedite the process.

God has me in the correct place at the correct time. The prayers have been much appreciated. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to write about the operating room!

Day Zero

6/15/13

At 3:30 this morning, the alarm on my phone politely informed me that my flight to Mexico would leave in a couple hours.  I’ve learned quite a bit since then.

This morning, I knew only a few things about this missions trip.

1.       Location – (Near) Cancun, Mexico.

2.       Purpose – Gospel, Medical ministry

3.       Leadership – Holy Spirit

Honestly, three weeks ago I didn’t even know that this trip even existed. By the time I applied online, I was already a full month past the last possible application date. Within those short three weeks, God provided all the resources, guidance, and grace I needed to get here. As of this morning, I didn’t know a single person who would be going on this trip in the first week (I’m vaguely familiar with someone who will be in the second week). As this whirlwind of events was taking place, God brought to my mind John 3:8, “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

Let me list a few of the blessings that I’ve been hit with in the past 20 hours:
                1. One of the doctors on this trip is a professor at the MSU College of Human Medicine, downtown GR. (The same med-school that I’ve been wanting to attend.)

                2. The flights and layovers gave me the time to read more than half of the new Bonhoeffer biography alongside Matthew 5-8. (Extremely challenging, highly recommended)

                3. A college student from Texas named John. He’s highly encouraging and a man after God’s own heart.

                4. A team that is ALL about helping people

I’ll post whenever I have internet access, which may not be until the end of the trip.

Thanks for any prayers you send my way!